by Susan V. Schaefer

And the sky became dark and stormy, the wind howled and the leaves held on to their limbs for dear life. Suddenly a crack of lightning turned the night into day followed by a boom of thunder that tore the clouds open and cold hard cash came raining down. First it was just coins; small thin dimes and quarters spinning in the dark like tinsel thrown into the wind. Soon there were copper-colored penny puddles and nickels scattered in the grass and piled high on windowsills. When the clouds were almost deflated, bills began fluttering to the earth. The world turned green as thousands upon thousands of $10’s and $20’s swirled in the air, sticking to windows and fluttering on trees. As the bills began to taper off there was a sudden brief burst of $50’s, $100’s, and even the occasional $1,000 dollar bill.

When the storm subsided, the world was covered in a sea of dead president’s faces and a peaceful blanket of silver and green and copper coated the ground. Almost in unison, doors across the land were thrown open and Millennials ran out, kicking up green dollars and dancing in the streets, arms raised to the heavens to take selfies as they chanted, “Money DOES fall from the sky!” Parents stood in doorways slack- mouthed and eyes bulging, too shocked to move or speak. Millennials commenced frantically stuffing money into pockets and knit caps and stylish motorcycle boots. When they could not stuff another dollar on their person, they moved on to backpacks and reusable supermarket shopping bags. They ran to their parents’ basements and quickly packed their electronic devices, ripped jeans, French bulldogs and Sriracha and dissolved into the night.

Nobody knows exactly where the Millennials went, although there have been documented sightings on social media of Millennials bathing baby elephants in Thailand and lazily sipping very strong coffee in Budapest. In response, parents everywhere have permanently sealed entry and exit points to all subterranean living quarters, disposed of participation trophies, and are concentrating all their resources on developing grit and resilience in their Generation Z offspring.